Thread:PrelateZeratul/@comment-424719-20150610172121

So it would seem I have been permanently blocked from this wiki, I suppose that is a fitting end considering what I caused. I write this for anybody interested as to my motives, but mostly for myself, to provide closure to a place I loved so much.

1. My primary motive in everything was to make this wiki as good as it could be. As I've said countless times, Gourgeist and myself spent sleepless nights talking about improving the wiki with a twinkle in our eyes and having big dreams, of the second anime season and of what it could be. I have devoted so much time into this wiki that it became a second home, a place to remove stress and write about a series I loved. I had no other motivation than this, it might be hard to believe, but 'power' or anything of the sort never factored into my decision.

2. The wiki is a much better place now than it ever has been. Largely, the credit goes to a man who I drove to the point of feeling sick while talking to me, and feeling anxious whenever I messaged him: Manuel. I do not hate Manuel, although corny, he is the hero this Wiki needs and came in at the correct time. We have radically different ideas and despite my praise, I still believe the majority of what I wrote to be true. One cannot deny his conviction and resolve however, he has no desire other than to make this wiki as good a place as it could be. He didn't apply to admin for a 'power grab' but in order to save this place. Him and I have the same ultimate desire for the wiki we just... had different ideas about how to reach it. To anyone still clinging to me and my ideas about removing him, please no longer do. Manuel is a great bureaucrat and contributor to this wiki, my only wish is that he would have ascended to his positon the correct way. The wiki would be a fundamnetally worse place if he was to leave. So thank you Manuel, you turned this wiki into something I wanted it to be, the dreams that Gourgeist and I had are a reality when I walk through these pages, see a social media presence, and all the other changes. Although I disagree with some of the changes, I am glad Manuel is here, and encourage anyone who still listens to me to follow behind him. Not blindly, but through open debate and democratic process. My only advice to Manuel is to follow these principles, they will guide this wiki to places neither of us could even imagine.

3. However, Manuel's ascension only came following the fall of the 'Old Guard', Hfc2x, Neo, myself, and Gourgiest. In my quest to better this wiki I am solely responsible for the reason these 4 accounts are gone, and no longer used. I hold many regrets I'll explain later, but this is not one of them. I'm no longer trying to 'win votes' or appeal to staff so I can speak freely and honestly, no politics. Hfc2x was a bad person, I try not to hold grduges but he fundamentally inhibited the progress of this wiki when he was bureaucrat. He nearly destroyed Gourgeist and I's friendship multiple times, he made me feel awful, and was overall a not very nice person. He put great effort into the wiki before, reaching nearly 4k edits, but near the end became a destructive force. The strain placed upon the two largest contributors, and therefore the wiki, became too much to bare. In my desire to see this wiki become a better place I had no other option than to remove him, it was unavoidable. Doing it, I destroyed my friendship with Gourgiest, turned the wiki against me, and nearly destroyed this place. I don't regret it, there was no other option. Yes, I caused great hardship but it was all worth it, the wiki could never reach this level with him. I tried to communicate these ideas in my first proposal and failed, even on Skype with Manuel I couldn't explain the damage he caused, you just had to be there.

With the fall of Hfc2x came the rise of Neo, someone who also had to be removed. Blocking people for the wrong reasons, demoting me, the state with which he left the wiki in, the manner of his promotion, all of it. Like before, there was no other alternative as I tried to pursue diplomacy as I always do, but got nowhere with him. Finally, came the fall of me which I'll return to in a bit.

4. I regret many of my actions and I think anyone in my position would say the same thing. Having my siblings take part in the manner I did is indefensible, I will not make excuses for it anymore. I still believe family members and friends have a place here, but not in this manner. Please, I beg that no one holds a grudge against JinxTheFunhouse, she loves this wiki and wants to work within it. She is not a sockpuppet and don't transfer my sins to her, please, her opinions were largely her own.

5. Perhaps the greatest victim of my actions is myself, and I say that doing my utmost to avoid overconfidence or trying to have an ego. I have nothing left, I went from being considered for bureaucrat by Hfc2x, to a blocked troublemaker who's reputation built over a year has been tarnished, I have nothing left. If I could turn back the clocks I would have made different decisions, because I had the time of my life being an admin. It was fun and I enjoyed it so much, it was like a job I looked forward to going to. I would have liked to continue in that position forever, but I still would have attempted to remove Hfc2x. I would have done so in a manner that left me in my position, my original intention was to have Neo promoted after Hfc2x was removed. I still maintain his violations but am no longer interested in debates about it. The truth is, the wiki doesn't need me anymore, it has somebody better than me. Someone who can devote more time, who knows more, and who didn't nearly destroy the thing. I can say, and it pains me to do so, that I am happy to have destroyed myself if it got the wiki to the place it is at now.

I'm not asking anyone to forgive me or even to read this, it is primarily for my benefit. The fight is over, I will post no more 'removal threads' and will not attempt to cause trouble here anymore. Seeing as I'm blocked I won't even be contributing. Should anyone care to, I will somewhat follow my message wall and truthfully answer any questions asked of me, about any topic.

Good luck guys. 